Expectation vs Reality
Frustration (disappointment, annoyance, irritation, etc) comes in the space between expectations and reality.
Is it realistic to expect our kids to eat? Well, yes maybe we think that is realistic but if it isn’t our current reality, then we get annoyed about them not eating. When we argue with reality, we have to feel the negative emotions. So if we want of find more peace of mind and body, we need to examine our expectations. Whether the expectation realistic or not, if the kids is not doing it, there is a gap in the reality and will cause the thoughts that make us frustrated.
When I think about it, I know that expecting my son to be on his computer all day doing virtual first grade, is an unrealistic expectation. But my brain on default still goes there. I still expect him to sit still and stay on task hour after hour when his poor little body and mind just want to play and goof around.
When I can acknowledge this dissonance in my own mind, I can slow down, take a breath, and think more patient and loving thoughts that will help keep the peace and decrease the power struggle. I can see his needs and my agenda don’t coordinate so well in this moment and we can more creatively come up with a solution that can satisfy both of us.
Next time you are feeling irritated, go inside and see what you are thinking and how it probably involves an expectation that is not being met in reality. Then you can more easily see that it’s not your child’s behavior that is causing your feelings, but your own thought about what he is doing or not doing. Then you’ll have your control back. Cause we only have control or ourselves. I can choose to think thoughts that will bring more harmony to my relationships and my home. Embracing and accepting what my current reality is, instead of arguing against it with my expectations, is an important first step.
