Your Job is NOT to Make Them Happy!
Moms always say that they just want their kids to be happy. Sounds nice, right? But the problem is that kids (and adults) were never made to be happy all the time. We are meant to be having the full spectrum of human emotion experience. Do you ever feel like all you do all day everyday is try to make sure everyone is happy and you are miserably failing? Like you are running on a hamster wheel? That's cause it's not you job to make your kids happy!!! Last week we talked about how you can't actually make anyone feel anything. So if you think that is your job, you are setting yourself up for some serious frustration.
Your kids feelings come from their thoughts. You can do things that might make it easier for them to think happy thoughts but ultimately you don’t have control over their thoughts. You just took your kids to the movies and they weren’t happy, they were whining about wanting candy. You bought them popcorn and ice cream but they still weren’t happy cause they wanted candy. You spent an arm and a leg and they still weren’t happy. This is where your frustration starts cause you are thinking about what entitled brats they are and no matter what you do, they are still whining and complaining and you can’t win with these punks! Right? What if you just expected that they would be whining and complaining and asking for more more more cause they are kids and that’s what they do. Enough is never enough for any human brain especially their underdeveloped ones. So you can keep your own cool and sure, buy them whatever treat you want to because that’s the kind of parent you want to be but not because you are trying to make them happy. That way, if they don’t think the thoughts that make them happy from that treat, you know that’s not on you. They have power over their own feelings and you can stay happily in your own power over your emotions. And enjoy the show!
Does that make sense? It’s a very different way to look at things. I think we were all brought up to think that a good mom makes her kids happy. If you see a kid pitching a fit in the grocery story, surely their mom must be doing something wrong cause that kid is not happy. Wrong! Let’s reprogram our brains to see a storming kid as just that. A child having big emotions. Very normal and healthy for a human in a huge room full of overstimulation and wanting everything but not being able to have it, to experience frustration, disappointment, and sadness.
Your kids will feel uncomfortable emotions their whole life. The best thing you can do for them is to teach them how to process and feel their feelings. Not teach them how to buffer them away with chocolate or distractions. If you don’t know how to do that yourself, sign up for a free chat with me and I’ll teach you some emotional management tools. Then you can teach them to your kids. And all of you can live happily (and sadly and madly and joyfully and frustratedly and ALL the emotionsly) ever after!
Your job is not to make your kids happy, it’s to teach them how to manage all of their emotions. Happiness all the time is not even the goal. It’s great to feel happy. Feels even better when there is something to compare it to. The contrast makes life more rich and full.
