I want my kids to feel Loved

Speaking of Love, Happy Valentine’s Day!!

I highly recommend that you always come from love in your parenting. It feels awesome and it drives the best actions. I love love! I love feeling my heart want to burst out with love for my adorable little kiddos!

But I keep hearing Moms say that they just want their kids to feel loved. That is one of the things people say when asked what kind of Mom they want to be. That sounds absolutely lovely but the problem is that we don’t actually have control over our kid’s emotions. what?!

I frequently talk about control (we are discussing power struggles, after all) and how we drive ourselves crazy by trying to control our children’s emotions. Another thing we try to control is their feelings. But if you’re familiar with the thought model (thanks Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School!!) that I use, you know where feelings come from. and it’s not from bursting forth from our mother’s chest. Emotions come from our thoughts. Which means that our kid’s emotions come from their thoughts. really! but only, every. single. time.

Love does not pop out of my chest and jump into my child’s. If my daughter is feeling love, it’s coming from her own loving thoughts. 🤯 mind blown? me too! This concept was absolutely revolutionary to me when I first heard it. But since I’ve been able to wrap my. mind around it, it has changed everything. I’m no longer feeling like a needy girlfriend who is constantly trying to get my dude to validate me and “make me feel loved”. No one can make you feel anything and you can’t make anyone feel anything.

Now I am free to love on my kids, and boy do I! My kiddo gets home from (in person!!! yay!!) first grade and he gets the biggest longest bear hug you can imagine. But that is because I love him and want to hug him. He could be enduring the hug and thinking about how much his mom hates him. Doesn’t make sense to us, but since when did kid think ever make sense to adults?

We never know what kids are thinking. We don’t actually ever know what anyone is thinking. I hardly even know what I’m thinking half the time! So give yourself a break from trying to control the other humans, and enjoy feeling the love for your own benefit! It feels amazing and they will probably follow suit, but ya never know, that’s up to them.

If you’re ready to take control where you can control: with your self! Sign up here for a free chat with me and we’ll get started!