How to Feel Your Feelings
Ok, so instead of acting out our emotions, resisting the, reacting to them, or buffering against them to avoid them and stuff them down, we’re going to just feel them. But how do you do that, exactly? This is not a skill that we’ve been familiar with. But your body knows what do do with the vibrations that are sent from sentences in our brains. We just get in the way of the natural flow of it. So lets get back to the natural basics. In order to feel your feelings, you just feel them. You get visceral. In your body. and describe what that vibration actually feels like.
So in the “heat of the moment” of your kids fighting, what are you feeling? In your body? The emotions are caused by your thoughts but if you try to thought swap in that moment, you will just be resisting the emotion. So let the feeling be there. See if you can describe it as if you’re explaining to an alien who doesn’t experience emotions. Is it hot, cold, fast, slow, color?, texture?, really describe it. Stay out of your head and in your body. Are you feeling frustrated? Is it hot and red and fast and in your chest and tight? As you describe to yourself what it feels like, you are feeling your feeling! And guess what? It dissipates! :-) If you resist against it, tighten up to it, try to get rid of it, it just grows in intensity. Your brain is trying to send you a message and it will be as persistent as a toddler to be sure you get that message loud and clear. So acknowledge the feeling and it goes away. Resist and push it away, it will keep coming back with a vengeance.
So, after the fact, when you are looking back on how you showed up and not feeling so proud of yourself for acting out your feelings in a way that you’d prefer not to, you are thinking thoughts that bring on guilt. Just feel the guilt. Acknowledge the thoughts that are bringing it up and just feel it. What does guilt feel like in your body? If you resist it, it will likely turn to shame when your thoughts turn from “i did something wrong” to “there is something wrong with me”. Shame is a more intense emotion and you will need to process that shame attack feelings for sure. Let’s talk more about Shame tomorrow. Good times! Looking forward to it ;-)