“I Have To”

You don’t actually HAVE to do anything! You have the God Given gift of agency which means every single thing you do or don’t do is a choice. You are free to choose to do or not do. No one can make you do anything. (Or think or feel anything either, btw) Think about this today. Every thing you are doing is because you WANT to be doing it. You CHOSE to do it. And you can choose whether you want to continue to do it in the future or whether you want to come up with a more creative solution. Those solutions are more likely to be found when your mind is not trapped in the “have to” box.

Anytime you hear yourself thinking that you have to do something, a quick brain hack is to just replace that Have To with a choose to or want to. I have to put the kids to bed. nope! I choose to get the kids to bed so that I can go to bed also. I want to put the kids to bed so that they can get a good night sleep and be healthier and happier in the morning. Magic! Feels better already, right?

You don’t have to do anything. Whenever you think that you have to, it’s a chance to dig deeper into your brain and see why you’re choosing to think that. Why do you think that you have to make sure to take shoes and coats with you everywhere you go? Cause your mom used to do that in case the car broke down. The car in those days was an old 80’s station wagon that did actually frequently break down. You much more reliable Honda Odyssey is not as likely to break down and we have cell phones and if I don’t want to gather all the shoes and socks and coats just to haul them back and forth, I don’t have to. Even if my Mom had a great reason for doing so, it doesn’t mean that I have to do so also.

Should is in the same family. Everything we think that we should do something it is because we have some pre-subscribed rule in our heads somewhere of the “right” thing to do. But do we ever stop to question these random rule books? Who made up these rules? Do we actually want to comply? Does it even actually make sense for me and my family?

Any time you hear yourself “should”ing on your self, quick brain hack- change it to a “could”. I could go do the laundry feels a lot more appealing that I should go do the laundry. Because you get your agency back. You can choose if you want to do the laundry or not. It’s just laundry. It doesn’t have to have that much power over us. Get your power back by acknowledging that you want to do the laundry and then it’s a much more fun task.

There are no shoulds or have tos. If you are still living like this, please let me help you break out of the chains. Enjoy your agency and the freedom that comes from taking ownership of your own choices. I will help you decide for yourself what kind of mom you want to be and teach you how to get there. This is going to be fun! Sign up here to get started.