What would Love do?

I am frequently asked what is my parenting philosophy. This is a great question. The short answer is I believe in Love. Love is the answer. Love will find the way. With any frustration you are having in your parenting journey, ask yourself what would love do? If you think loving thoughts and actually feel the emotion of love than the action you take with get you your best results. You may end up taking the same action you would have but that same action coming from frustration and even anger will get you a different result.

For example. My girls always want to use my phone. They ask for it about a million times a day. I am an imperfect human mom so I do not handle that circumstance perfectly every time, honestly I hardly ever handle it “perfectly” I am an imperfect mom after all. So when they ask for the phone and I think some sort of expletives in my mind which makes me feel annoyed, I have one reaction which involves a lot of adult whining and lecturing and carrying on and ultimately not giving them the phone. My result is not the same as if I think loving thoughts, feel love, and then lovingly explain that she can’t have the phone. The action is the same. She doesn’t get the phone. But the nuances of how I explain to her that she can’t have the phone make all the difference in our experience of the situation.

We all try to be loving and kind and patient but we basically are just faking it if the thought, feeling combination are not aligned. And that’s will power that will run out. If we are genuinely coming from love then our actions will easily follow. So what would love do? It would think love and feel love and then do whatever feels loving from that place.

So what about consequences? and discipline? is your next question. Well, there are always natural consequences that come from every action. Good and bad. Your kids will learn this on their own. They don’t need your artificial consequences that just make them mad at you and teach them nothing. And discipline means to teach. Yes I’m all about that. Teaching our kids is our job. We teach them with love. If they are behaving in a way that is unacceptable to you, they either don’t know that, or can’t meet your expectation for some reason. They need to develop a new skill or they just don’t want to follow your rule. Kids will always want more more more screen time and junk food and all the addictive pleasures of this life. So do we, so we get it. With love and compassion we can set respectful limits but we never have to parent out of anger. We can always feel love and teach them from love.

It’s easier said than done, for sure! I believe it is the whole purpose of this life is to figure out how to love. So you won’t be perfect at it right away, or ever. but the pursuit and the practice is work worth doing. Every tiny win you have is building your character and getting you that much closer. But always remember the love for yourself all along the way! No beating yourself up allowed. Love is the answer, my friend. Love for yourself and your kids!