Toddlers, Not Tigers
When we understand more about how the brain works, we can give ourselves a little bit more grace for behaving the way we naturally do. Our brain’s number one job is to keep us safe. We are wired for survival first and foremost. This was very useful in caveman days when tigers were a huge threat but as stay-at-home-moms our brains can get a bit bored and so less threatening things start becoming more of a threat, for example, your toddler.
When your newborn baby cries, we are physiologically programmed to not like it. To make it stop as soon as possible. Because now not only is our brain trying to keep ourself alive, we also have to keep another human being alive also. This is the natural and beautiful way of things. A helpless infant needs to us to take care of its every need and the only way they can communicate those needs is through crying. So we feel uncomfortable with the crying to take care of the need and make it stop. Win win for both parties. But as the baby gets older and has preferences on top of needs and also grows more autonomy, the crying for what he needs, turns into whining. I can’t stand the whining is a subject for another blog but for now just remember that your discomfort with her whining comes from your most primal wiring to keep yourself and the child safe.
In short, your brain literally switches to its “fight or flight” mode when your baby is crying, when your toddler is whining, and when your kids are fighting. Your nervous system is activated. And how often do those things happen during the day? Crying, whining, and fighting? ha! like 95% of your STAHM life, your nervous system is activated! Your brain is in fight or flight basically the whole day! And on into the night!! But regardless of that, we expect ourselves to stay lovely, kind, patient, and loving all day. and night! What a joke!! Let’s slow it down, take a realistic look at our normal, natural, and beautiful human selves and at the unrealistic expectations we have of ourselves, and give ourselves a break, shall we?!
The number one tool you have to calm your nervous system and get out of fight or flight is to breathe!
LOVE is ONE Breath Away!
Just BREATHE, Momma!!
When you feel yourself getting activated, start reprogramming your brain to breath through your emotions instead of acting them out on your poor undeserving littles. This is possible. It takes practice. Sometimes a LOT of practice. But luckily, if you mess up, they kids will give you about nine thousand more opportunities to practice. today! So keep trying. Remember love, grace, patience, and compassion for yourself!! You are a human with a human brain that is functioning just as it is supposed to. But it is misguided. It’s just a toddler, not a tiger!
