“I’m Spoiling Them”
Most of my examples for Mom Guilt come from after we yelled at our kids. Or some other behavior that we wish we hadn’t done. Usually cause we were mad or frustrated. But that barely scratches the surface of the things we could feel guilty about as a Mom. There’s too much screen time, eating the right things, not eating the wrong things, bed time, morning routines, bedtime routines, any routine at all, keeping the house tidy, grooming, the list goes on and on.
Lately one of the thoughts I’ve noticed myself having which brings up the guilt is that “i’m spoiling them.”. I just thought it again as i was looking at the fun Mario (and Luigi!) Lego starter kit sets in my living room window sill. “He was supposed to get that for Christmas.” my brain wants to remind me. “But now, not only is there one set but two and it’s still only October!” Guilt. Then the rationalization thoughts explaining that my daughter got one of the sets for her birthday- Christmas and Birthdays being the only legit time to buy “big” gifts) and (long story) of where the first set came from which is only half bought by my brain and the guilt still lingers cause that excuse was not suuuuper valid….
So, we examine our thoughts and beliefs that are causing the guilt. Is it only ok to buy your kids legos for certain special occasions? Who decides this stuff? Do we even actually personally agree or are we just carrying on conditioning from our upbringing and culture around us? We get to decide. We are The Mother Here now. And any kind of Mom you want to be goes, but you have to give yourself permission or the guilt will follow.
Freakin McDonalds is the other reason I think that i’m spoiling my kids. Everything about that place. Don’t get me started on how much I hate it, how much i hate how much we spend there, how much i hate how often that’s what they are eating, and how much i hate the annoying toys taking over my house from there. Clearly i have a lot of “work” to do still on my thoughts about “Old MacDonalds” (as my cute little kids still like to call it) before I can drop the mom guilt on that topic. But these are just good to be aware of. And know that all my resentment and frustration is not my kids’ fault for wanting it.”ALL the time!” That’s the secret sauce. Is to just keep accountability for my feelings that they come from my own thoughts. It’s not McDonalds or my kids or my husband that are “making” me frustrated or even guilty. It’s my own mess in my head. Which is the only thing i have control over so that’s good news.
I don’t have to spoil them. I could change my action line. Or I could change my Thought line and decide on a a different personal definition for spoiling that doesn’t cause me grief and guilt. Or I could decide that yeah I do spoil them and so what? What’s wrong with that? If thats the kind of Mom I deliberately decide to be, then there is not a problem here and I can just enjoy him enjoying his Mario (and Luigi! :-) Lego!
