Emotions are not a Problem

How about this for another “game changing” idea? Emotions are not problems that need to be fixed. Think about whether you believe that thought or not on default. When you feel frustrated, is that a problem? How about when your kid does? Yesterday we talked about how our job is not to make them happy all the time. There is something better than happy. It is feeling the full range of human emotion to have a full and deep experience of living. If we were happy all the time we wouldn’t even know we were first of all from no contrast but also we wouldn’t be able to enjoy the good without the bad. So we are meant to feel all the feels and it’s not a problem.

Emotions are a message from the brain. We think a thought and a vibration is released in the body. That’s it. Not a problem. Just a natural bodily function as essential as breathing and it happens as automatically and continuously as breathing also. Our bodies know what to do with these messages and it’s not a problem until we start thinking it is and resisting the natural flow and thought and feeling.

So just feel your feelings and let your children experience their full range of emotions also. You don’t have to stop them, it’s better if you don’t. An emotion can process through you in 90 seconds if you just let it. If the kid is having a tantrum in the store, wait out the storm focussing on your own self regulation for just a minute and a half and the worst of it should pass. It’s our own resistance, mirroring emotion, and reacting that fuels their fire. They are disappointed about the rows and rows of goodies at the store that they are not allowed to have. Disappointed is not a problem. Let them feel it. You don’t have to make them happy. You just have to help them learn how to be disappointed. And you might have to learn how to be irritated also which comes from your thoughts about their reaction to the disappointment.

It’s all just feelings. Not emergencies. We don’t have to rush to put out the fire. Nothing has gone wrong. We’re just a humans doing our thing. Feelings our feelings. Experiencing the messages sent from our brains. Try to figure out what that message is. Once your brain thinks that your body has received the message, it will stop sending the vibration. But if you resist it, just like a toddler trying to get your attention, your brain will incessantly send the message over and over until you get it. So just hear it, acknowledge it, feel it, and move on. Not an emergency. Just a human moment. Try it. It’s fun. And if you don’t remember what to actually do for the 90 seconds, refer back to the blog about feeling your feelings. Get in your body and describe the physical sensations your are experiencing. Instead of swimming in the thoughts that are causing it, that’ll just feel like drowning.

So. If emotions are not a problem, feelings are not an emergency to be fixed. Why are we trying to drop the guilt? or more accurately the shame? Because we can. We don’t have to. Keep it all, it truly is not a problem. But once we’ve accepted that it’s not a problem, then we can decide on purpose which feelings could be helpful to us and which are keeping us stuck. First step is always acceptance because like i said, if you’re in resistance, it will amplify. So truly believing it’s not a problem is the first step to changing it. You don’t need to fix anything. You’re not broken. But after you’ve accepted that, you can start changing whatever you what just cause you want to. You want to start experiencing other emotions just for fun but not out of desperation and necessity. So, have fun with it. And if it’s not fun, let me help you. Click here to get started.